Lets hope or give up?


I am confused actually where to start with! As a girl I know how much it is difficult of being girl. True to say it is not only difficult but kind of impossible to live in a place where I born.  Yes, it is my beloved motherland Bangladesh where I born and grow up. The natures that fills my heart with all incredible beauty and innocence, kindness and at the same time it also makes me stubborn not to bow down in the cruelest time. No matter how difficulties I am going through but I have learnt to keep patience. My defiant nature always took me to a life where I needed to worry about food, cloth, treatment and bla bla.  Yes I am alive and it is my fair confession.

If someone asks me do I have any regret of this kind of life of limitation?  I will answer instantly without giving a second thought that is ‘No’. Though it would be surprising for those who saw my life of hardship in these years, honestly speaking I do not have any regret of my life. Rather, I must say that I am happy with my life. It makes me stronger than before.  My only satisfaction is that I tried to live on and want to lead a respectable life, and this is my only achievement.

If I am like other girls in community I would be having a having conjugal life with husband, kids. But I am not. Like others girl I do not want to depend on my father and after marriage on husband. I wanted to be a tree who can give shade to all in their need. I wanted to make my family happy and also take the responsibility as a son can do.  I always believe that I am not only a girl but also a responsible child of my parents and responsible citizen to the country. And I mean it from heart.

 When I am writing this post It is  4 am. I am in my office as I was late in meeting I copula not dare to back my home, if my landlord would not allow me to enter home. I was helpless really. I am staying at my office in this late night with brother like male colleagues.   I am afraid even thinking how my landlord will react if she knew that I am staying at office with my male colleagues? Will she kick me out from her home? I guess she will be. As far as I know her my experiences of staying couple of months   staying that she is very much sticky and always has fear in mind about the chastity of a woman. Most often I  found her saying that woman has to protect herself for her own man’s sake as she is the property of her man.  Sometimes I make fun of her by saying that if your son will have biological relationship before his marriage what will you do. She says that man can do anything but girls have no options except protect themselves.  I did not say anything just stare at her eye.

I am also afraid that how my colleagues will react tomorrow when they will know that I stayed at office at night? I guess they will say that I am a bad girl or I am characterless. True to I have no spark for any guys here in my office. But none will trust me!  And I am afraid of tomorrow afternoon that what going to await for me.

Will they believe me that I have no body here in Dhaka or a safe place for stay at night except my office? Will not they? Lets hope or give up? ………